It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged, and I honestly think it’s because so much has been happening that I don’t even want to think about processing it so that others can understand it. Even that statement isn’t exactly true…I haven’t felt exceedingly busy; I just feel like the New Year brought with it so many more things to think about.
For instance, now I have to deal with this whole new feeling of actually liking it here, which is weird. It’s not that I don’t want to like it here – I do. It’s just that every time I remember that we are leaving in six months I am kind of sad, and I don’t like that so much.
Another thing that I have to think about is being a Mennonite and what that means for me. We recently went to a retreat for all of the Mennonites working in southern Africa. It was a really good time, but I came out of it feeling kind of…discombobulated. Strangely enough, I was glad to leave – not in a “ahh get me out of here!” way, but in a “I’m glad to go home” way, with “home” being BCI. I think one part of this craziness is that, yes, I do like it much more here than I did at first, but I think another part is me starting to think more about what I believe and how I want to label myself. Am I first a Mennonite and then a Christian, or is it the other way around?
I am also dealing with involvement in church programs, trying to figure out a balance so that I am doing a good amount of useful work. An example of this issue is Children’s Church. One of my main jobs is supposed to be working with the Children’s Church, but I have not been very successful in getting involved – certainly, this problem is mostly my fault. It’s hard for me to force myself to be involved in the Children’s Church when there are other places that I feel better plugged into. But I will definitely be trying harder during these next six or so months.
So yeah. Lots of things to process, including but not limited to the aforementioned. That in itself is exhausting, plus I was up until 4 AM last night. It was fun then but now I’m just completely wiped.