I'm reading a book right now called Purple Hibiscus, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Among other things, this book deals with the issue of sin. The main character's father is a strict, ridiculous Catholic who beats his wife and children whenever he decides they've "sinned." He's crazy. And usually I have a very forgiving attitude towards myself about sin...I'm not likely to beat myself up when I realize I've done something wrong. But just now I did something bad...and I feel awful.
It's late here, about 11:45 PM. Maybe thirty, forty minutes ago I was sitting in our living room with Tim and Christian and we heard a weird noise - a gasping, halting, desperate sounding cry coming from somewhere outside. We looked at each other and then Christian said "Look outside," so Tim and I looked outside. There was woman walking swiftly down the middle of the street, crying out and saying words I couldn't understand. And Tim and I slowly turned away from the window, looked at each other, and both thought "Well...I don't know what to do." And we both did nothing.
I kept thinking to myself Just go out there, just offer her some water, ask her what's wrong, run after her, can't you see she's in some kind of pain? And I kept ignoring myself, until it got to the point where I couldn't run after her anymore, because I had waited too long. Which, of course, is what I wanted to happen.
I missed a chance to be Jesus to that woman. I missed a chance to be the one who visits the sick and the imprisoned, the one who clothes the naked and feeds the hungry. I know God forgives me, but He's also probably disappointed, just like I am.
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Connie - You know that Jesus is always going to give you another chance to "catch up". Just think, then you will know exactly what to do and you'll have that cup of water, or that shoulder to cry on ready and waiting. He loves someone who follows his example of unconditional love, even if you don't always act on it. Peace, Judy
ReplyDeleteConnie, I too missed my chance - years ago - I might have even been your age. My missed chance was a homeless woman who was walking without an umbrella in the rain in downtown DC. I was driving in my car with my $7 umbrella next to me. I still feel bad about that years later. Obviously, I haven't forgotten it. You will remember this lady and you won't stop waiting for another chance. When you get it you will know what to do. Take care and best of luck! Andrea Stremmel
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