The past week I have largely spent being with friends that I've made here and visiting those who have been important to our team. It's been somewhat challenging to balance those two things and I have been extremely sleep-deprived the entire time, but it was really a beautiful week to me. I got to hang out with friends who have really meant the world to me here, especially in the last 5 or so months. It was really important to me that I show them how much they have meant and just spend some quality time with them, making memories :).
Then today we had church. It was beautiful. Kyle and I testified about our time here, expressing our gratitude and sharing our "Top 10 BCI Moments" list with the congregation in all three services. The sermon today was about rejection and how Christ offers the ultimate acceptance, the only thing that can really change lives. During the service I just felt like this incredible hunger inside of me was being satisfied. This church is a place that I feel God's presence, and I will really really miss that.
In between the second service and the third service they had a lunch for us, as well as all BCI staff/senior leaders and all BCA (the NGO connected to the church) staff. It was a thank-you/farewell lunch, and it was really nice. It was strange to eat at church and not to be expected to a) bring food, b) serve food, or c) clean up afterwards. That was strange in both good and bad ways to me, because it was relaxing but it also means that we are really done. That's something I still can't understand.
After the third service, around 4:00, the party began. People started to arrive and gather at the church, where we had set up the projector and big screen so we could watch the final game of the World Cup with a bunch of friends from church. The game wasn't until 8:30 but we spent those free hours playing games, drawing, talking about good memories, eating, and laughing. And I also did some holding back of tears.
The party was really nice...lots of people came and it was really fun to just be with these people who mean SOO SOO much to me. I would absolutely say that some of my closest friends in all of the world were there, and at the end of the night it broke me to say goodbye to them. I couldn't hold the tears in anymore and every single person that I hugged and said goodbye to just made it worse. These people are my family...I can't believe I have to leave them.
I've been crying almost nonstop all night long, and my eyes are swollen to the point where it's hard to really see properly. My head aches....and my heart is so incredibly sad. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, the next week, or the next 12 months AT ALL, which is not good, I'm sure...but it's true. The only thing I'm really looking forward to at this point is the next time I'll get to come back to South Africa, which better be soon. Or else.
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I was just reading some other blogs and I realized that this one is not nearly strong-worded enough to express what I'm feeling. So here are some strong words to express what I'm feeling:
- frustration.
- rage.
- hatred.
- fear.
- anger.
- sadness.
- depression.
- exhaustion.
- wariness.
- heartbrokenness.
- confusion.
Okay. That's better.
oh that is so SAD..........this is Annika and I just saw it and it made me sad again....lol! I hope we can see you again soon and I am so sorry that I though such bad things about you at the beginning but I am so happy that we could become sisters......that was the best.....lol. Anyways thanx so much 4 taking your time off for God and coming to South Africa......I know how hard it is to leave everything back at home and come to a strange place but all I can say is......you ROCK MY WORLD, CONNIE......love you lots and can't wait to see you .....soon...Annika
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