Since we arrived here two weeks ago, I have been struggling with the idea of righteousness. I have never been confronted with a church that is so intent on righteousness before, and it's a bit hard for me to swallow. It's not that I don't think it is important for Christians to be intentional in striving to be upright and holy and blameless; I just don't think it's possible for us to ever achieve that. I, for one, believe in God and have been saved by Christ, but I still sin every single day - I don't expect to ever not sin, because I live in a fallen world and I am human. Maybe it's wrong of me to think this way. Maybe it's an issue of definition - is "righteous" synonymous with "sinless"?
Either way, I find myself unintentionally rebelling against the pressure I feel (whether that pressure really exists or not) to look the part - to lift my hands and to listen to only "Christian music" and to save a lot of souls - even though those things in themselves are good. It kind of scares me. I want to be good! There's a part of me that says "Do what they say and you will be saved!" and another part of me that says "Don't be fooled into thinking that whoever sings the loudest is the best Christian." That second part of me is crying out for the acceptance of JPUSA right now. I miss being surrounded by people who don't look the part, and still are loved. I feel like I'm in the middle of an intense evangelistic competition.
I hope that I will come to better understand this as time goes on. Honestly, I really really like this church. I like that I am challenged in my faith and ideas and that's it isn't always comfortable. I would really appreciate prayer for this as I work through these issues and try to get closer to God in the next ten months.
P.S. I don't completely get the cartoon - but then, that's a good illustration of how I don't really get the whole issue! Yay!
Connie: Oh what an issue to be working through...my prayers are with you...
ReplyDeleteHey Connie, this is mom. The church i often visited while in high school and the churchs i went to while in college called it "holiness" but it sounds very similar. The pressure was to dress right and included rules about jewelry and makeup and girls cant wear pants. Like my friend Jill said, sometimes they were more worried about appearances ( including dramtaic prayer times) than they were about lifestyle. I always felt that these brothers and sisters were very sincere and i liked being around people who were so wholeheartedly seekng God's best, but eventually I veered toward churches that seek Orthopraxy( practicing the Christrian message) over an emphasis on appearances or even orthodoxy ( believing the right doctrines). the Roxbury camp preachers believe in Holiness and they surprised me with the blief that you could live sinless. Wow, this surprises cause I dont think a day goes by tht I dont- you know. but I think that anyone wh has commtted herself to Christ does make a conscious decision to submit to God in all things.Its just that it is so possible to be deliberaely committed to Christ and still to "miss the mark". It is a life long process to become like Christ. It is mostly an inner process. I can tell you this, as long as I was worrying abut the length of my skirts, my hair and my makeup, I wasnt learning anything about forgiveness, mercy, justice, or even faith. I can also tell you that my early fascination with these "legalisms" grew out my intense desire and need for order, predictability, fairness and a path that I could accomplish by my own stregnth and power ( Self-righteousness). As long as we can accomplish righteousness by our own efforts we dont really need Christ and we become our own god. Many people who are attracted to these things have come out of a certain amount of chaos and or unpredictability or have been the brunt of some unfairness. It could be that SA has been through so much turnoil over the last several decades that the emphasis on "righteous" behavior is an attempt to instill order and "bring about the kingdom of God". I'm sure it helped America for the Holiness movement to make it's mark back in the 50's and 60's or earlier. I have heard stories that when revival would sweep through an area, crime rates would drop and bars would completley go out of business, and broken families would be reconciled. As you can see, I have a lot of thoughts on this subject. ANy more questions? :) When can we skpe again? Love, mom
ReplyDeleteMom:
ReplyDeleteThank you! It's nice to hear that lol. Sometimes I am surprised by how little I know about you :).
I feel like this church isn't totally like those you are describing. There isn't so much pressure to dress right or look right, but I do feel pressure about things like music. I think that a lot of it may be more linked to culture as it's very different culturally than back home. I also think that a lot of the difficulty in adjusting is just that the emphasis on the Holy Spirit is so strong and we definitely don't get that much at home. Also there is so much more emphasis on us saving souls and that wording always kind of gets to me - is it us who saves souls? Somehow I feel like that is linked to the issue of righteousness but I'm not even sure how. But sometimes this church reminds me a lot of you (speaking in tongues and really getting into the praise and worship - I think you would really like it here). But yeah.
We ran out of internet at home so I am on the church computer right now. So I am not sure when we will be able to skype again. Even when we get internet back we are going to be rationing it out more carefully so I am not sure what days we will work out for skype and all that, but I'll email you and let you know.
love you! tell everyone i say hi