One More Time...Why Am I Here? (and also: yay! i'm here!)

[Pre.P.S. this pic is unrelated i just like it]

I have always considered myself to be an easy to please kinda gal, fine with going out or staying in, equally able to handle fun and boredom. It’s harder here than it was at home, though, and these past few days have been very challenging for me.
My specific job here at Breakthru is working with the Children’s Church. When I found that out, I was excited. I like the idea of working with kids because they are more accepting than adults, and I was looking forward to getting to know the kids better. Also, it’s exciting just to have something to do. However, Sunday was my first day in Children’s Church, and it pretty much killed all my excitement – not because it was a bad experience, but because I felt so completely useless. There are already eight or nine Children’s Church teachers, and the program is run so well! The kids really enjoy it, and they listen, and it’s great. So I sat there for an hour and half and did nothing. It was very hard for me to do that. I don’t like the idea that I am here to be in the way.
At the same time, I really enjoy the manual labor! I think a good part of it is that I love sticking my headphones in my ears and tuning out of the world, but another part of it is that I like getting things done – I like to see results and to know that I’ve done a good job. I like to throw myself into something until it glows! Or shines or sparkles or gleams or whatever the case may be. I like the challenge of dirt and broken things.
So I have good days and bad days, and good moments and bad moments. Sometimes, usually during worship or when getting to know the people here, I feel absolutely great about things. I feel like I could live here for the next nine months and just hang out and go to worship three or four times a week and come out of it a different, better person, not feeling like I wasted my time at all. But at other times I am deathly afraid of getting stuck in this house, seeing nothing and doing nothing – it sometimes feels like a weird, very long vacation that alternately has pockets of inspiration and meaning and dry spots of no money and mice. Maybe it will just be an issue of which I focus on more, or which there are more of. I hope there are more of the former.
P.S. Our Internet ran out. So until now I have been unable to catch up on football scores. That made me SO SAD. I like Sundays a good deal less when there is no football (not saying that worship in itself is not amazing – it really is here).
P.P.S. Also our money ran out. So that sucked as well. However, we have been amazingly blessed when people have either had us over for dinner or brought us dinner! So we have been able to survive, but having no money is no fun at all, especially when it means postponing Canadian Thanksgiving for lack of turkey cash.





Update! We have Internet! Also today was sunny and beautiful, which was nice in itself but even nicer because it meant I got to hang my laundry out to dry. It had previously been sitting in a bag in my room all clean and wet.
And also I got to help Anna with her ESL class today, and it was very fun!
And also! My goodness! We got a microwave! For free, I should add.
And also Anna and I walked to the post office and didn't have to wait in line forever! And I was not confused by the crazy stamps.
And we went to the grocery store and got baking things and oranges!
So today was an unusually awesome day. I just had some chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, on top of everything else. So aside from the fact that the Ravens are breaking my heart (seriously? 17-14 against freaking Cincinatti???? really??? ugh!) I am very happy right now. So today was among the good days.

Tomorrow, please don't let me down.